I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
