last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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