That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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