Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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