Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
