I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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