Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
