yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
