You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
