Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
