At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
