I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
