This girl is more easily done than said...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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