wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Are we still banned from the library?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
