Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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