I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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