I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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