Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
