You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
