You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
