how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
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His hands were made for my vagina.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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