i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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