These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
