i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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