Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
