I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
