dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
