So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
