Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
