An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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