Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
