When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
