So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
