Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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