; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
