Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
