sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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