If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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