Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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