Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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