i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
