Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
