The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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