gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
