His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
being pregnant is like rehab
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Pooping to opera.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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