So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
