Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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