i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
