Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
