and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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