I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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