so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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