Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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