Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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