I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
