It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
