He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
