Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My hand turned me down
i think i have two assholes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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