If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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