actually, I'm a sock model
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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