Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
