He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
