So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
