i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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