Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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