I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
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I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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